


Like Ambrosia

by deborah_judge



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: Cancer, Drugs, Drunk Sex, F/F, One Night Stands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-27
Updated: 2011-02-27
Packaged: 2017-10-15 23:33:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/166028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deborah_judge/pseuds/deborah_judge
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Laura doesn't know the woman who's watching her, but she thinks maybe she's seen her before.  Originally posted in 2005.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Like Ambrosia

This isn't the first time you've been crazy.

*

Sometimes Laura thinks that everything is dying. The people, definitely, stuck with their dying from the moment of birth. The plants, leaching out death from the mortal soil that will claim them. The stars, winking hopelessly through an impermanent galaxy.

Or maybe it's just Laura's mother who is dead, and Laura herself who is mortal, and that's close enough.

Laura is thirty-seven years old and her mother has been dead for two weeks. She inherited her mother's home, where they used to live together, but that just makes it harder to go home at night. There's no one there.

But then, she has discovered in the past two weeks, there are always other options.

 

*

She's watching you and you're behind bars, and you don't know why you're here. You think you might know her. She reminds you of a woman you don't remember, and this isn't the first time you've been crazy. The next cell is empty, and in any case he's not your son so it's not his job to care for you while you die. You won't get out of this, and the visions aren't from the gods, they're just crazy, and of all people she's the one who knows this. She's seen you crazy, and she watches you, and you scream and think you might remember but you still don't know her name.

*

This woman Laura's fucking, she just might be alive. She's not pretty, not young, and the scars of her plastic surgery wrinkle around her neck when she frowns. Her legs clutch tightly around Laura's arm, and her breath is harsh and alcoholic on Laura's face.

Tomorrow is math for tenth-graders. Math is simple, since the numbers never change. Tenth-graders are simple too, once you get the hang of letting them think they're in control. But tomorrow is tomorrow, and it's too far away.

Tonight the bar emptied too quickly. The young, pretty men and women Laura prefers to allow to seduce her were too scarce, and they left too soon, and Laura found herself with an aging, drunk woman and a bottle of ambrosia. The woman's dyed blond hair isn't attractive, but she smiles at Laura like she needs her, and following her upstairs was better than going home. She tells Laura her name is Jessy. A made-up name, but it will do. Her husband has money, and he's out of town for the night.

Laura remembers her mother's rib-bones visible underneath her breasts. Her mother's bones would ache, after the cancer reached them. Laura would bring her medicines, but the medicines would make her confused, and she wouldn't be able to understand why she was in pain.

Jessy comes, shuddering, and reaches up to stroke Laura's cheek. It feels intimate, too intimate, and Laura recoils. She hasn't let Jessy touch her yet, although she supposes that's what she wanted when she followed her here. And perhaps it's not bad. It's good to be touched, almost like being alive. So she lies down and lets Jessy stroke her chest, listening to her meaningless whisper as her hands move lower. She lets Jessy kiss her, and she thinks Jessy might be alive, because Laura's tasted death before and it tastes nothing like ambrosia.

*

Madness is circular, it's outside of time, and you know you must have been here before. The gods aren't speaking, it's only madness, and this isn't the first time you've been crazy. The next cell is empty, but at least the boy is not your son, and that means he might not go crazy when you die. But she's watching you, this woman, and you know what she means to do now that she understands. She understands, and you're cold, and there's no lawyer to protect you from her accusation. She's watching you, and she knows what you are, but you still don't know her name.

*

Dawn comes too quickly. Classes are in three and a half hours, and Laura still has Jessy moving beneath her. It feels good to make her shake again, there's a kind of power in it. It's crazy, but she thinks she can trust her, this drunk, aging woman who wants nothing but to be young and loved and alive. So she pulls back, and lets herself enjoy Jessy's whimper as she withdraws herself and stands by the bed.

At the end, Laura's mother couldn't keep herself awake. The cancer took all her energy, leaving her none to speak and barely enough to breathe. Laura got used to keeping the shutters closed to help her mother rest.

Laura knows she's drunk. They've been taking swigs from Jessy's bottle of ambrosia all night, and sucking it from each other's lips. Laura will take another drink before class, and brush her teeth and hope her students don't notice. For now, all she wants is to see Jessy's body in daylight. So she walks over to the window, and opens the curtain.

Daylight isn't kind to the woman's body, and she hasn't had plastic surgery below the neck. Laura's naked as well, but she knows what she is. The doctors have told her it's genetic, so she already knows she is dying, and her mother is already dead. Jessy thinks she can hide it, so she pulls at the sheets, wrapping them tightly around her. Laura just stands there, naked by the window.

"Come here," she says. "I want to see you."

"Laura," Jessy whispers, and it's seductive, still. This woman craves her, and it sends shocks of power through her veins.

"Come here," Laura says again. "I need to look at you."

Jessy doesn't move, so Laura takes the sheets and peels them off her body. Daylight isn't kind, and Jessy's body sags just like Laura's own. Jessy tries to move, tries to cover herself with her hands, but Laura just grabs her hands and holds them steady at her side. Ambrosia is on Jessy's breath, and she trembles, and Laura smiles.

*

You still don't know her name, but you're afraid she might know who you are. There are no gods, or the gods don't speak, and your visions are only your mother's death that still frightens you. This woman understands, she's been there with you, and you think her lips might taste like ambrosia. The boy is not your son, so it could be that he's not crazy, but in any case the next cell is empty. There's only this woman, and she watches you. She's still watching you. This isn't the first time you've been crazy.


End file.
